


Regeneration was the Easy Part

by Sir_William_Freewill



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Body Dysphoria, Episode: s01e14 The Christmas Invasion, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Other, References to Depression, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-21 07:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13736481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sir_William_Freewill/pseuds/Sir_William_Freewill
Summary: When the Doctor finally has a moment to breathe after fending off the Sycorax, he realises there is something different about his newest body.He has to try to figure himself out. But Rose can never know. Or can she?





	Regeneration was the Easy Part

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: Body dysphoria, mentions of suicidal thoughts(briefly)

"What?"

Standing in the TARDIS's wardrobe, the Doctor examined his new body for the first time.

"What???"

Nobody had told him. With the short hair and rather deep voice, he really had not expected this. 

He had breasts. This regeneration was female. Tall, extraordinarily slim, deep voiced, short haired, and a gaunted face, but definitely womanly. And though he knew that his personality had changed - ears-and-nose hadn't been bouncy or talkative - it felt utterly wrong. Apparently his regeneration had messed things up. He wanted - no, needed- his body to be male again. This wasn't even close to the adventure he used to imagine switching gender would be. It was devastating. And he had only just noticed. How was he supposed to live like this for years? Decades? Maybe centuries? How could he save lives when he felt like this?

If he kept feeling like this, he would probably regenerate by suicide. 

Just feeling his new breasts being there made him sick. He choked. Tentatively rising his hands, he touched his new body parts. And doubled over. The Doctor fell to his knees and gagged dryly.  
This was impossible. How was he supposed to save anyone when he reacted like this to his own body? How could he be himself around Rose? Oh, Rose! His feelings for her -though he didn't acknowledge he had any- hadn't changed. But she wouldn't, couldn't like him like this. He couldn't expect her to, if he couldn't even accept his body.

Drip.

Drip.

When had he started to cry? He hadn't even noticed. Now that he focusing on his body condition in general, he realised that he was shaking too. Weakly he slid to the ground. His arms brushed against his breasts. The Doctor cried out. It hurt. Not physically, but mentally. Because it shouldn't be. It was fundamentally wrong.

He broke down. His mind gave up control. Desperate screams escaped his mouth. He sobbed helplessly and choked again. His body shivered and shook uncontrollably.  
Whenever he accidentally brushed his chest or hips, he vinced in agony. His face was wet. With tears, with sweat. At some point the TARDIS had thankfully removed the mirror and provided some tissues. Just now did he realise that his lady had tried to reach him with soothing humming and calming images. They just hadn't gotten through the mess that his brain was.

The Doctor's hands were trembling when he reached for the tissues. He took one and blew his nose. Then he took another one. And another.

And another.

Then he dried his face.

He took a few deep breath. Mentally he collected the broken pieces of himself. With his old girl's help he tried to regain his composure. Then he stood up slowly.  
His breasts moved and he was crying again.

Obviously this wasn't working. He had to conceal them somehow. Stabilize them so they wouldn't move or show.

The TARDIS gently guided his attention to a nearby shelf. 

Breast binders. Sexy always knew what he needed. There were some other things on it as well. A perfume. Permanent and smelling like man, like male timelord body. And next to that... fake sideburns? She wanted him to have sideburns? That was ridiculous. Though actually... the idea felt quite good. He could try them at least, couldn't he?

Focus. First things first.

He took a breast binder and wow, those things were tight. But once he had wiggled himself into it, and the pressure made his chest flat, he was better. He felt as if he could breathe for the first time. Through adding a weight to his chest, it lifted another. Quite a paradox. But he felt better. Way better.

He sprayed himself with the perfume, inhaled deeply and smiled.

But there was still something missing, he realised. With his immediate problem gone, he realised that the familiar feeling in his pants was gone. And that the bulge he was used to seeing in them was not there either. He started shivering again.

A nudge of his ship made him look at another cupboard. THere were things on it. They were... he squinted his eyes... packers? Well then.

After adjusting things in his trousers, he went looking for something nice to wear. Preferably some layers. His last self had not cared about them, but now? The more, the better.  
He browsed through his wardrobe, taking a few things out. Finally, maybe with a little influence from the TARDIS, he found a suit. And a t-shirt, shirt, tie, and a nice long coat. He put things on carefully, deciding that the white Convere shoes would go brilliantly with his outfit.

He found that the mirror had returned and he applied the sideburns. They actually looked good. Made his face look even more male. For the first time since his regeneration, he smiled at himself. Taking a general inspection of himself, he nodded. This body was, aside from this weird gender mix up, not too shabby. He quite liked it.

His time sense alerted him that it was nearly time for him to get back to the Tyler's Christmas party.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is most welcome, please also point out any language errors. Ideas for the next chapters are appreciated too.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
